The biggest cause of human suffering is in the avoidance of suffering.
There are many ways to avoid suffering, and I get why we do this, most of us would prefer to be happy and not suffer, so it is naturally to try to avoid it
However in the avoidance we elongate the suffering and make it much much worse.
It all spurs from a deeply entrenched belief that if we ‘rise above’, or ‘get something’ or ‘just be’ or ‘are in our true nature’ or ‘in abundance’ or ‘in alignment.’ or ‘just see where our experience is coming from’ then we will not suffer, in essence ‘when’ we get to a certain place then everything will be rosey.
To put a word on what we do I could broadly say ‘transcend’ meaning to get to a certain place or space of beingness that transcends suffering.
‘Transcendance.’ in my opinion, is the most harmful spiritual belief there is. It is like a carrot on a stick then is always a step too far in front to get.
What happens is people who are suffering will try to transcend. Ultimately they fail- then feel worse about themselves because they couldn’t do it. For sure we can have moments or even a long-ish period of transcendence where we can feel expansiveness, joy, compassion, oneness, however, at some stage it will wear off. It may leave us a bit more aware or expanded but the ‘high’ will wear off.
If we buy into the belief of ‘transcendance’ then when it naturally and inevitably wears off we feel we have ‘lost it’ or ‘identifying with our ego’ or ‘not getting it’ or any other other spiritual beliefs that cause us to feel often extreme self-judgment.
What I have come to realize after being a ‘seller’ or transcendence, then being so deeply humbled that the grit woke me up, is that ‘transcendance’ is not the answer to human suffering ‘embracing’ is.
So what does ‘embracing’ mean?
To me, it means total acceptance, recognition or allowing of ALL of you from the fact that you are a limitless, infinite being AND an insecure human with a body. It is in the word ‘human being’
Human: Material, limited, zoomed in
Being: immaterial, unlimited, zoomed out
‘Transcendance would champion the ‘being part’ whereas ‘embracing’ will champion neither but embrace both as one.
This is our ‘wholeness’ both as one, neither and both concurrently. It does not ‘split’ between the being (true self, in alignment, beingness, getting it, right, unlimited) and the human (false self, out of alignment, human, not getting it, limited). It lovingly dissolves any line between a this and a that and sees, again, both as one.
No ‘true self and false self’, no ‘in and out of alignment ‘no ‘getting and not getting’ no ‘being and not being’ All these split a divine wholeness in half creating a war of both sides.
Embracing does not do sides, it does not do splitting, it is a total unconditional love for ALL as one. In essence you learn to unconditionally love and embrace your humanness- including the gritty, sharp, rough parts of us. In fact that stuff is often just sensations that guard a deeper treasure that you will never uncover without deeply communing with it.
Embracing is not sexy. It does not look impressive. Whereas ‘transcending’ is sexy, it looks cool.
If you were in a mystical dragon’s den full of otherworldly riches and splendor then ‘transcending’ would be like a shinny goblet or a sparkling golden chalice. ‘Embracing’ would be like a clunky wooden box. However the golden chalice, after taking it you find it is not worth what you thought it was, whereas the boring wooden box holds a roaring silence that sustains, endures and surrenders in it’s utter authenticity.
The shiny stuff of ‘just be’ and ‘it’s all just thought’ and ‘you don’t need to do anything’ are all selling transcendence not embracing. How can we embrace ‘all’ of us if we do not listen to the gritty messages our often estranged bodies are trying to give us? How can we embrace all of us by vilifying parts of ourselves as ‘false’ or ‘just a story.’
How can we embrace all of us if success and self-worth is all about how much you charge your clients, who you trained with or how many social media followers you have? What would happen if ‘success’ was another form of transcendence. You are worthy from the sheer fact that you are alive. The universe does not make mistakes, everything has a purpose. The fact THAT you are here, is not a mistake, you are worthy from the fact of your existence.
Often the only way forward is via direct experience, many of us will have to have the shiny buzz of transcendence of dismissing the body, dismissing our ‘stuff’, dismissing any negativity and trying to ‘be’ all the time, needing to do course after course or event after even to get the hit and buzz.
Then at some stage, estranged from our bodies, the grit in our lives ignored and the ‘negative’ parts hidden, life shakes us to wake up, it could be the end of a marriage, the loss of a loved one but however it plays out we are shaken to our core which forces us to look at the vilified, ignored, estranged parts of ourselves and in that meeting the universe sings a song of itself in it’s wholeness, it’s totality and you become exceptionally human within your superhumaness.
Endless love Rudi
January 2024
We will be doing a free live webinar around this shortly HERE
#Wholality #polyvagal #Wellbeing #spiritual #Coaching
