Dissolving the pallet of ‘reality’

Dissolving the pallet of ‘reality’


I just finished my early morning gym session, and I stepped out of the air conditioned hall into the beautiful warm humidity of Hawaii. It had been raining turning the dark roads into mirrors reflecting the street lamps, cars and the pink smile of sunrise.

I was struck by how beautiful everything was and sunk into a deeply reflective state, then the most curious thing happened. I stopped seeing a road or building, street lamp or reflection, and my perception  just turned into an ‘undefined’ experience. Meaning the ‘edges’ of so called physical reality turned to paint and everything bled into everything else.

It was kind of like having your perception of the world as a painting, and in the painting were ‘things’ with defined edges, with the color of that edge separating one ‘thing’ like a house, from another ‘thing’ like a road. Then all of a sudden it was like the colors in the painting warmed up and started mixing with all the other colors, dissolving the painting into a mix of colors with no definite edges. 

It was like the form of the world dissolved back into the formless, an edgelessness. I believe, looking back at the experience now, this is what is perceived when the human mind does not define any of the shapes as ‘things’ (house, road, light etc).

Anyway, within this perceptual dissolving of the form, I still knew I was in a human body, I knew what a car was and which was mine, and I also knew to look the right way when crossing the road. My perception of reality has dissolved, but the memory of the edges were still there to navigate round with.

As I was driving back home, there was the most beautiful feeling of bliss with the recognition of all the colors and shapes and sensations. I could say that the shape of the trees were beautiful or the reds and greens reflecting off the road were beautiful, or even the feeling of the wind on my face, but things like- tree, road, face, wind, were undefinable, there was just experience happening and sensations arising from the play of it all.

There was not even so much as a defined ‘me’ driving and experiencing it all, again, there was just kind of like a edgeless boundaryless ‘what-isness’ just being as it was. An undefined ‘no self’ within experience. However, there was also a very real recognition of a ‘me’ driving, for if there was not, I would not know how to drive or worse would have crashed.

This experience was unique for me, as I had, had a number of ‘there is no me’ type experiences in the past, where ‘I’ was everything, one and thing. This experience was similar but there was also a definite ‘me’ within the dissolving, a point or location through which everything is perceived through. 


Myself and my wife call this an ‘individuated’ experience where there is a very deep sense of the ‘everything’ that also embraces the point of location which experience is happening through. The ‘everything’ is everywhere and nowhere (my friend calls it the ‘neverything’) but also, within this ’neverything’ there is a point of perception we call the human experience. 

Look at it this way, the internet is kind of everywhere, and nowhere at the same time, but for us to access it we need a device to do so.

There is the ‘neverything’ but there also needs to be a human experience to experience it in the way we do. Some teachers just teaching the ‘absolute’ would say- there is no ‘I’, there is no ‘this’ or there is no ‘that’ and from the absolute, they are absolutely right.

Other teachers may teach more ‘relative’ and say there is an ‘I’, and there is ‘this’ and there is ‘that’ and again they would be relatively right.

This experience again revealed to me that the ‘absolute’ and the ‘relative’ are human concepts and neither are true because they are both concurrently true. ‘We’ are the locationless in a location, the edgeless edge-ing, the infinite finite-ing, the multiverse humaning, concurrently at the same time.

Saying ‘there is no human experience’ or ‘there is no thought’ from the concept of the absolute is like saying there is no Mona Lisa painting it’s just atoms. Well that is ‘absolutely’ true, but also ‘relatively’ speaking there is still a painting. It is not that there is or there is not the Mona Lisa painting (duality) It is both concurrently (one or non-dual).

How about we stop splitting and conceptualising this beautifully majestic life essence into ‘it is not’ and ‘there is no me’ and ‘nothing in the form is true’ and just rest our minds, relax into divine mind and embrace our humanness just as it is, it is not what it seems to be.


Anything that creates division or twoness is concepts, (‘true’ self and ‘separate’ self – 2) anything that evokes love is the one


Love is whole, love is the ultimate non-dual and it’s a feeling a resonance. Go back home to that feeling, it is simple, it is love. 

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2 thoughts on “Dissolving the pallet of ‘reality’”

  1. Hi Rudi, what a lovely blog. It seems to me like you have managed to capture in words, something that is indefinable. No mean feat. What a beautiful antidote to the ‘dual’ ‘non-dual’ argument.
    Thank you.

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